Where the Hoes at? ...

So i'm sitting here trying to embrace my newfound singledom and all i keep meeting is women who are on the downward decline of their looseness. Now it ain't nothing wrong with people become all moralistic and what not...but there is a problem when suddenly it appears that no one is (JUST) phuckin' no more.

Maybe it's just me? *looks in mirror* Nope..that ain't it. I'm still uberly cute and rather sexy if i do sayeth so myself.

How come every woman i've met in the past few weeks suddenly decided that after 4 kids, 3 paychecks and a partridge in a marijuana bush later that they ain't phucking?
Why's every woman now holier than thou and saving themselves for marriage?

You can't even go to a bar now-a-days and expect to have a one night stand...muhphuckas wanna stay the whole damn weekend.

I thought i had me a SideJawnJumpoffReplacement broad who approached me with the whole "phuckbuddy" situation...ffwd two weeks and now she calling me at 7 am on some "I just wanted to call and wish you a good day"...Dammit, we's just phuckin...why's u callin me for any reason other than "Is you coming to blow out my transmission tonight? or is you coming to beat the breaks off of me? We established the confines and definition of our dealings which pretty much is based on " U wanna Cum and I'm gonna come over". Simple as that. But now after said acts, you wanna watch tv and eat some butter cookies. Shawty, you's cute, fine and alladat, but that's not what i'm here for. I'm trying to get into you not *IN* to you. Save all that chit chat for your gay male friends or the negro outside waiting for you to finish gettin' your mall make-over at the MAC counter. I'm a backblowout specialist...that's what'chu hired me for and that's all i'm qualified and willing to do in your life. Don't be callin' askin' do i wanna come over and watch a movie. I don't like Lord Of The Rings. The only movies we should be watchin' should have actors with last names like Pumper, Jackme and shitnot. You know Mood Movies...

if you can't handle the truth and what i'm here for..then bounce. But don't be trying to establish a phuckbuddy thing and then renig(ger) on it. You can't alter me to get me to the altar. You talkin' 'bout "Kae, don't be catchin' no feelings and whatnot and then four days later i'm buttoning my pants and you layin' in the bed all glossy eyed saying "you know you ain't gotta leave".

FOH...

Where they hoes at?...

The Beginning of the End

Sad as it is to say and admit the inevitable end of my relationship with the mother of my kids has arrived. While we had our ups and downs there are a lot of good memories that will forever stick with me. I'll miss her and in some ways wish that there were some manner in which to save what we had from the ill fate that we were so destined to achieve.

Not to go into great details but I will attribute the lot of our problems to financial issues. Simply put she wasn't happy with the honest real man lifestyle that I chose for myself and the kids and wanted an out to possibly live a short-lived run with the baller of the moment. (Okay so I made that up to appear like the victim but it sounds good, huh? ).....

Bitter? No. Hurt? Possibly. Concerned about the impact that our dragged on issues will have on my son and daughter? Most definitely. Those two kids are my any and everything. I'll go to the end of the world for the kids and not having them around is an emptiness that mere words cannot convey. In due time, I'm sure I'll get over the fact that she and I are no longer an item. Hell, I've accepted it already to be honest…but accepting it is one thing, still living in the house that you all shared brings about constant reminders that make it so hard to have complete closure. I'll admit that I loved her more than I loved anyone ever in life and because of that I kind of pushed her away because in loving her so much, I was scared to actually show her how much I loved her and built up a wall around myself because I knew eventually the one I loved would sooner or later hurt me. (I hate gut wrenching instincts). * She and I have had a break up of the same magnitude before but this was years ago and way before the birth of my son. We broke up for almost a year in 2k5.

Maybe we needed counseling but it takes 2 people to want that. ..Maybe we needed the Lord and prayer. Perhaps all we need is some time away from one another to prove to ourselves that there's nothing left in the world….Once can only hope. One can only imagine. I'm not holding my breath for anything more than extra air for my lungs. I'm tired. I've decided to put my burdens on the cross and walk thru whatever I'm being brought to and thru by faith. I simply don't have the fight or mental stamina to deal with the notion, idea or prospect of love or another relationship at the moment. My only fight is for my kids. As long as I am around them…I'm happy.

Now if I could just get everyone that knows my current condition to stop attempting to hook my up with women, I'd be alright. I just ended a six year relationship with my former fiancé and the mother of my 2 kids---let a muhphucka have a moment to breathe and some time to heal. Otherwise, I'll just be damaged and bitter for the next woman and resentfully carrying emotional baggage that serves no purpose or good for anyone. Plus who wants a muhphucka that fresh out of a relationship and on the proverbial "REBOUND"?

~Fin

Kae

Merry Chrimah and Happy Heineken...

Happy effin' holidays to you all. Hope you're enjoying the foul evil spirits and attitudes that the holidays seem to breed and foster. ...

I spent the start of today opening, assembling and playing with the kids and their toys. Needless to say that i am rather spent and feel like i need something that resembles a nap. So just as soon as the effects of these morning beers wear off then I'll pop me an Ambien and see if Mr. Sandman will attempt to carry me off to my dream of dormancy.

The only other thing i accomplished was to fix this very Acer 4315 laptop that had a very severe screen flicker problem. I actually took this mug apart, fixed it and put it back together. The amazing thing about this whole thing is that i did not lose any screws or other parts....that's a rarity for me.

Well toodles B*tches. Happy Holidays.

kae

~fin~

Something I didn’t want to forget that I said.

death is my 1/2 cousin...i invite him over for dinner but he never stays the night. © Me talking to Abby

This is proof…

Today is proof positive to all of my naysayers that do not believe that I write every day. I told y'all I blog EVERY DAY…I just keep a lot of it private due to the content or due to the mood I was in when I wrote it.

But never the less…enjoy the 3 updates that I made available for today. The chances of my blog being updated 3 times in one day ranks between slim and none of ever happening again.

I grew up in an era where...

• Bugle Boy Jeans was a brand name
• Sodas didn't have an expiration date
• Where bike riding didn't require helmets
• A fist fight wasn't followed by a lawsuit. U either won or got'cho ass whooped and kept it moving.
• Rap music was fun and was broken down into regions.
• If you didn't like something..it was a matter of opinion and you weren't labeled as a '' hater''
• Where riding the bus was viewed as a mode of transportation and not seen as an indicator for economic hardship.
• Where $10 worth of gas used to getcha a full tank of gas.
• Where making it rain meant someones mom let us play with their water hose and sprinkler system.
• Where you liked cars cuz they truly where cool not because they had rims' and other shit that belongs in ya living room.
• Women looked liked women and men looked like men even those who didn't have a straight sexual orientation.
• Where black was beautiful and everyone was vying to validate themselves as socially acceptable by claiming some other longlost and forgotten trace of latin' asian or white ethnicity.
• Where Run was a rapper and not a reality show star
• Where MTV showed videos.
• Where personally knowing a crack head was a rarity not a normal occurrence.

To be Continued.

but i'm ~FIN~ for the moment.

Ella La’Donne

Bye Bye Love

Tears of forgotten transgressions

Pain unknown

I don't think you understand how much I miss you.

The want to hold you. The desire to kiss you.

Bye bye. Love.

Never got the chance.

Never got to save the last dance.

Never got to understand what I didn't understand.

Bye bye love.

Cant cry.

Won't shed no tears.

Losing the only thing I loved.

The embodiment of all my fears.

Bye bye love.

I cherish the time we had.

Even the longest days now seem cut short.

Arguments oh so petty.

Heated words and sharp edged retorts.

Bye bye love.

One day at a time.

Still can't seem to heal.

6 yrs since I've seen you.

And it still doesn't feel real.

Bye bye love.

The only love.

My only love.

The reason why I love.

Bye bye love.

Remember me.

As I remember you.

Thoughts of happiness

are all I now view.

Bye bye love.

Bye bye.

Love….