Dear 2009....

F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you.

In addition to 2002, you've been one of the worst years I've ever experienced on this green oasis that we call Earth.

I never wish to experience the amount of hurt, pain, strife, heart ache and troubles that I endured these past 12 months.

Please don't take it personal but I'm glad that you only come into my life once and never to return or else I'd have to lie and wait and fuck you up the next time we crossed paths.

~fin

Fish Are Boring (relaunched)

Just incase you couldnt see the original posting of my life….in video form.

Fish are boring….

On & On © Erykah Badu

And when I knew I had to face another day, Lord it made me feel so tired

© Ree Ree Franklin

It's amazing how little portions of a song can just stand out and literally just speak volumes to your soul...that line comes from "NATURAL WOMAN" and though the song itself says little to me that one 3 second segment of Aretha belting out that phrase says everything that I couldn't about today.

I ramble…I mean I ramble a lot. It is a miracle that in real life conversations that I make any sense whatsoever (It’s likely that I don’t but in fear of hurting my feelings people tolerate me and just attempt to grasp onto key points of my ramblings).

I’ve accepted that I’m a troubled soul. Unlike other troubled souls though, I havent found my gift or true talent. Hopefully though, I don’t follow the same demise as many other troubled souls (i.e., Marvin Gaye, Donny Hathaway, Phyllis Hyman, Kurt Cobain and etc.,). I sure as hell hope that I don’t follow the path of Van Gogh or Edgar Allen Poe and the world only realizes my greatness posthumously. Seemingly, with that said, I’ve got to find a way to make my mark on this vast planet soon...

Oh well...it's Sunday, I'm childless and I might as well sh*t, shower and shave and see what these A-town streets has to offer in regards to simple and amusing entertainment

*FYI, I'm still working on the title for my new blog...I'm still keeping this one though because it's the intimate window into my mind but I need something else to ramble (the word of the day) about sports, sex and music. * If you have any suggestions--HOLLA @ ME !

oh and if you're not on SKYPE (that means you too Xina), you're missin' me in all of my unadulterated and uncensored glory.

~fin

sTuMbLE iNtO HaPpInEsS…FaLl InTo JoY.

I fell down the steps…into an mist of laughter. But when I got up to stare intently at those around me, no one was there. I was laughing at the very thought that it could’ve been much, much worse. These were the same steps that caused my son to get $500 worth of stitches (that’s after his insurance paid their 80%). How I stumbled and missed the whole last 5 steps and land in a patch of leaves is totally beyond me but it must’ve been divine intervention of Mister God Johnson himself *THANK YOU LORD*.

Lesson for the day : What doesn’t kill you—is definitely worth laughing at.

Today’s theme song . O'JAYS "Stairway to Heaven"

3 DAYS….

I’m convinced that I have more than one damaging addiction. In addition to my insane addiction to Vanilla Coke ®, Grandma’s® Peanut Butter Cookies,I also have an addiction to a various amount of prescription sleeping pills (Rozerem, Lunestra and Ambien CR). The recent deaths of Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson, and Brittany Murphy have all put some rather morbid thoughts in my head as of late and now I’m trying to stop being so dependent on it all.

So far I’m about 3 days clean…which isn’t nothing in regards to beating any sort of chemical dependency but hey it’s a start. I don’t believe I had half of these issues when I was drinking. (Ha, I kicked one bad habit and picked up about 6 more…GO kcuf’ing figure.

I’m 3 days free of this mind altering substances, my mind is racing and I’m writing like crazy. Just what I need…..a reason to write as if the past months depression and drama wasn’t fuel enough!!! Well obviously it wasn’t because I’ve been scribing away the past couple of hours.

The picture below is my consumption for this evening :

~fin~

Nine.Ten.Eleven.

I forgot what I was going to tell you.

But when I rushed my thoughts and opened my mouth, the words poured out slowly.

I laid with you…and I’ve never even been by your side. Our lips have never met, yet I know exactly what it’s like to kiss you. I taste your thoughts and smile at the bitter sweet remnants in my mind.

I miss you even though you’re never gone…you’re just a mere phone call away. Every time my phone lights up, I look for your picture on the caller I.D. , your voice on the other end. But you’re just that ---on the other end. Never near. Never where I can hold you. Never where I can smell your scent on the bed from the action of the night before.

Is it just a dream. Have you stayed away too long. How can I convince you that this is your home. Last night I laid with you and I’ve never been by your side.

How can I get next to you so soon? I have so much to say and no way to tell you. I’ve longed to be with you for most of my life…and now I want you as my wife.

If only you knew that.

Nine.Ten.Eleven