I'm convinced that God has a great sense of humor. Why is that you ask? Well take a seat and let me tell you a few things that only a humorous deity could chuckle about….
Near death experiences…
- Last week, I was about 40 breaths short of either being dead or maybe I was just hella sick (I haven't decided which) but anyway, I decided to take my sick ass out and about in search of an area rug to make the GreasyDigs (aka my home) feel a little more greasy (homely). So long story short I'm in route to some far out store (wasting my good almost $4/gal gas) and I suddenly have the most violent of all violent sneezing attacks while going at a high vehicular velocity of about 80 mph…I'm sneezing and swerving and swerving and sneezing, cutting off cars, big-rig trucks and whatnot…I finally make it over to the median but not before coming within about 6 inches shy of smashing into the guard rail…I cursed up a storm and I'm sure the man above who was handling the puppet strings to my life was just kee-keeing it up as his favorite nigga (ahem, ME) damn near shit on himself.
- Yesterday, I'm hooking up the router to my home network and I thought that had I unplugged the power supply….wrong. I put the tip of the power supply in my mouth thinking it's not powered on and give myself, my heart and all other unknowing parts of my body a 120v shock. Needless to say, I felt as if I had a stroke for next 4 hours following that incident. Yeah, God Johnson is really using me for his entertainment advantage.
Miscellaneous
- I open a bill and see that I haven't paid it…(well according to that bill anyway). I then rush to get online and without looking I just type in the amount due and pay the bill…20 minutes later I look at the date on the actual paper bill FEB. 21, 2008…2 damn months ago. I paid the bill in full then and now I have a $125 credit. Yep, Mr. Johnson is getting good laughs at my expense.
- I go to the bank and deposit a check….and guess what…I forget to deposit the check. DOH © HOMER SIMPSON
Now Mr. Johnson, don't get me wrong while I love you and all the greatness that you've blessed me with, I'm not 100% comfortable about me being your primary source of laughter. Sure I often brag about how my life is pretty much an unwritten sitcom waiting to be picked by black run network but dang must it be that way 24 hours a day?
I'm sure you're not going to answer this directly and that I'll get some divine omen via email, text message, or bright flashing light with harpsichord music in the background with detailed instructions on why you've picked me as the CHOSEN ONE for your amusement.
*the above picture is proof that God exists and that the black man is God. *
~fin
