Com Sense Survival Tips. How to live and stay breavin..

*i'm plagarizing from the one forum that i post on...i wrote this entry there and was too lazy to come up with new shit so i copied and pasted it here* Self Plagarization is the new crime of 2008*



I love each and everyone of y'all and i keep readin' post about how y'all unexpectantly end up in harms way so in order for me to keep gettin' material for my sitcom, i need to keep readin' y'all post therefore i've come up with a few survival tips so that i can continue to be entertained by y'all.

yours truly,

Greasy F. Baby (the "F" stands for Follow these Tips)


1. If you’re in earshot of a muhphucka and he/she/them says “Y’all better not be here when I come back !!”…Don’t be.

2. If you hear gunshots …get low and start crying.Don't be tryin to gauge what kinda gun the muphucka has and count the shots to see if they done ran outta bullets. This ain't a flick you ain't gonna come back on..you ain't dat strong (C) DMX

3. (Women) stop running on those isolated running trails…Phuck’s wrong with joggin’ around a high school track or ya basement treadmill?. Y’all always gotta be in the woods or on some deserted ass road. If the mountain lions don’t kill you, the crazy white dude in the beat-up painters van will.

4. Don’t drink and drive fast. If you’ gonna drink and drive take unwinding backroads with speed limits under 45 mpg.

5. When approached by the boys in blue…keep your hands up until you pass out. Don’t reach for sh*t; if they want’cho ID they’ll go in your pockets and get it at the same time they plant the crack rocks and guns on you.

6. A running cow carries a whole hide © My momma. If you see a disturbance, don’t interfere…get the phuck on.

7. Innocent bystanders always seem to get shot or are in harms way. My question is—If you know the muhphucka is crazy and shit is about to pop off…why is you standing by? How innocent is it if you see shit ‘bout to transpire? K.I.M.

8. If you’re a suburbanite and you know that you don’t belong on MLK, Jr Drive (err’city got one) or on the other side of the railroad tracks. TAKE.YO.ASS.HOME. Ain’t no historical sites in the hood. Phuck around and there will be a teddy bear memorial and candlelight vigil in your honor? *sidebar* Why do muhphucka pile up teddy bears and shit in the spot where a muhphucka get shot at? What happens to the bears after the fact? Does anyone go outside and cover ‘em with trash bags in case it rains? *end of side bar*

9. If you see a domestic dispute…realize that it aint’cho problem. Call the Po-po’s or what ever u call the gun toting badge holder…I seent a dude get his head smashed in by trying to play Super-Cap’n-Save-A-Broad-From-Getting-Kilt. This muhphucka started out by helpin’ ol’ girl as she was getting molly-wopped by her her dude. Do you know this broad jumped on the dude saving her because he was whooping her man’s ass? WTF? Nacho pussy Nacho Problem © CRICHMONKEY

10. Don’t yell at no one elses bad ass kids. Parents don’t even wanna hear your side of the story. (I might be guilty of this myself. You phuck’round and scare my kids, I am liable to knock on ya door with a .38)

*bonus*

If you see a group of kids/teenagers that look like they ain’t got nothing to lose. Guess what? They prolly don’t. I’m convinced that all saggy pants wearin’, fake gold chain sportin’, cornroll wearing kid over the age of 13 years and 3 days old, have quick access to a biscuit and ain’t scared to give you a 2 piece. I watch First 48 faithfully and know that these lil’ phuckas will shoot you just because you was minding your business and wasn’t paying attention to theirs. What I (just) wrote doesn’t make sense does it?…well guess what? Their reasoning for shootin’ yo ass makes even less sense cause well they’re 13 yrs old and ain’t go no parents so they’re being raised by their 43 yr old great great grandmother whose a recovering crack addict who forgot she had the gun in her sock drawer. And sadly, you wanna cause some type of disturbance by politely askin’ the 13 year old to move out the way so that you can back your car out of YOUR drive way. Now the muhphucka done lifted his XXXL shirt dress and reached into his denim capris and pulled out a burner and popped’chu cuz you won’t payin attention to him walkin’ in yo grass and thru yo rose bushes in his route to get to nowhere of importance. Leave these lil’ muhphuckas alone. They'll kill you dead.


Feel free to add on...I mean its for survivals sake.

30 MANLY THINGS YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPERIENCE FOR YOURSELF CUZ I DID IT FOR YOU.

It has taken me a lifetime to realize some of this sh*t...I'm passin' it on so you don't have to.

conjured up by yours truly.

~ love always,

Uncle Fishgrease Fitzgerald Franklin III

1. Your tie should never extend past the top ½ of your belt buck. Nor should it be higher than your navel. Ties don’t have to match the shirt. They are meant to compliment the suit and or pants.
2. Plan “B” should never be anything less than a 6 pack of beer and a night of ESPN/Sport Center. if your plan B doesn't result in bringing about a feeling of peace and quiet, You need to think hard and possibly re-tool your plan "A"
3. Never kiss the jump off.
4. Shine your shoes after every 3rd wearing.
5. T-shirts (undershirts) should fit snug underneath your dress shirts to avoid the undershirt bulge.
6. Parties, Cookouts, housewarmings…..when in doubt what to bring? Bring Beer. Regardless of how snobbish guests may appear, 90% of the time everyone will consume either Heineken or Bud. You can never go wrong showing up with one of these two brands. One is a foreign staple and the other is the domestic staple.
7. Your favorite ringtone should be VIBRATE. Use it and get use to it.
8. You should have 2 dishes (recipes) lodged into memory and the proper wine pairings for each.
9. Generally your socks should match your pants and not your shoes. The opposite goes when dressing casual or for working out.
10. When wearing baggy jeans, a slimmer shirt is necessary as to avoid the Missy Elliott trash bag video effect.
11. All men should own 3 watches. An atheletic watch for wearing during sporty occasions or when wearing tees/polo shirts. A casual watch with a leather band. And a watch with a metal band for dressier suit and tie occasions.
12. Watch the local news at least once a day and CNN or some other national news channel at least 3 times a week to stay abreast on the world around you.
13. Own the album “KIND OF BLUE”. If you don’t know who this is by or what kind of album this is, you’re already losing in life.
14. Know the name of a non-chain restaurant and have at least eaten there twice.
15. Know the names of the 5 closest streets to your house. You should also put to memory how many red lights, stop signs and turns there are on the last mile of the exact street you live on. This comes in handy for the first time she’s coming to your home.
16. Know who you’re voting for in the election and why.
17. Chivalry isn’t dead…it’s just underappreciated.
18. A well-mannered clean dressed and good smelling ugly dude pulls more woman than the arrogant pretty dude. Take notes and apply it to your lifestyle.
19. Clean toilets speak volumes when having female company.
20. Febreze, an open window, clean sheets and a vacuumed floor can go a long way.
21. Iron button down shirts on the inside to avoid poppin’ off/loosening the buttons with the iron.
22. Magazines should not be your sole choice of reading materials.
23. If at any heated moment you have to go more than 3 feet to retrieve a condom…you’ve lost.
24. Treat every situation in life as if it’s a business deal. Leave no stone unturned. Always Be Closing. (ABC’s)
25. Quality trumps Quantity (everytime).
26. Grey Slacks. Brown Shoes. Try it.
27. Drink enough to enjoy it…but not enough to forget it.
28. Talk to her as if you like her. Look at her as if you lust for her. Treat her as if you love her. The rest is in the bag.
29. Think vividly, speak quietly, and tread lightly. Nothing in life will pass you by if you slow down and live a little.
30. A well structured budget is created to help you enjoy and achieve the meaning ful goals of life…not keep you from it.

~fin

Sorry Janelle…but I found another.

Just when I thought that my love for Janelle Monae couldn't die…she's been quickly replaced by Jazmine Sullivan. Ohhhhhhhh, this girl got a voice on her.

If ya good ol' Uncle Fishgrease ain't never gave you a gift then please consider this an unexpected present. It's every song the young girl has recorded that I could locate.

(see the lengths I go thru for y'all) get it here

Here's a video of Jazmine on SHOWTIME AT THE APOLLO some 10 years ago.

Appreciate me now and you'll be rewarded later.

Dont fret, I'm gonna get back to (real) bloggin' in a minute...i got some sh*t on my mind that y'all might find entertaining but until then listen to the music that i'm providing in the entry. Consider it soundtrack to the movie (or in this case the blog) of my life.

Jazmine Sullivan

~fin

Help me puh-leaze

I am really not myself these days...the one thing that i used to enjoy doing more than anything in the world (which is writing) had become a total chore and outright bore. Don't get it wrong, I still love writing but i just do not have anything worth writing about or worth anyone reading.

but i can say that i've been occupying my free time surfing the net downloading movies and music such as this:

Tweet: SHOOK UP (this is my song of the moment)

The humorous days of….

 

Yesterday a co-worker and I went out for lunch at Applebees. Not expecting much in any stretch of the imagination (whether it be in great food, service or entertainment) we went in, sat at the bar and order a couple LIT's, a sammich and all the fixins. Well long story short we're there for a while and in comes this rather attractive young female. She walks in and starts to go to the further side of the bar which was obviously clear and had no one sitting there until she spots an empty seat next to yours truly. As if on cue, she takes the seat next to me and in true fashion and character of myself, I ignore her while still paying attention to her actions. She orders a Shirley Temple to drink or rather something obviously close to one ….she drinks two before I actually get my food and in between bites of the awful Tilapia sandwich that I order I lean over to hear and comment on her choice of beverage….She giggles and laughs, my boy interjects a few laughable lines as well. Now that the ice is broken, she begins to warm up to my remarkable charm and alluring swagger *pops collar while typing this* and starts asking things that a normally interested person would ask a person of my caliber (LOL). She tells me that she's 24 years old, is a co-owner of a residential cleaning business and blah, blah, blah. This mundane dialogue goes on for minutes and I can tell that she's now flirting with me and whatnot but unbeknown to her I'm in a zone and happen to be comfortable with my current position (relationsh*t wise) in life.

Well as luck and chemical attraction (on her behalf at least) would have it, I pay my bill and get up to leave when suddenly she grabs me by the arm only to say....

 

Oh so you're just gonna flirt with me and not ask me for my number?

 

Women in the "A" are aggressive in the ' 08….the see sum'n they want and come hell or high water nothing will stop them from getting it.

 

*continues living off of yesterdays ego boosting afternoon*

 

~fin

Merry ChristNaS

This is surprisingly good...

I ain't wan(N)a throw up no fl(A)gs or nuffin' on thi(S) good o' internet but this is the new Nasir Jones album. Some of the songs might/might not make the final cut but never the less this is what i've managed to scrap up thus far.

My niggorant highlight of the whole album is Fried Chicken. Him and Busta made a song about greasy fried ass chicken. Awww, I love N*ggas.

Download Fish'n Nas : GreasyassN*gga

*(by the way i'm not on the album...this time)

*7/24/08*I really could've gotten a better picture of Nas because the NIGGER shirt doesn't sit well with me now but it must had originally because i remember there being many pics to choose from...so i won't edit it for that reason along. What's sad about this post is that i don't think i've listened to that album since i made this entry. Such is life. Good for the moment then it because mundane and hard to bare. Much like this nas cd. *end of edit*

~fin