Dear 2009....

F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you. F*ck you.

In addition to 2002, you've been one of the worst years I've ever experienced on this green oasis that we call Earth.

I never wish to experience the amount of hurt, pain, strife, heart ache and troubles that I endured these past 12 months.

Please don't take it personal but I'm glad that you only come into my life once and never to return or else I'd have to lie and wait and fuck you up the next time we crossed paths.

~fin

Fish Are Boring (relaunched)

Just incase you couldnt see the original posting of my life….in video form.

Fish are boring….

On & On © Erykah Badu

And when I knew I had to face another day, Lord it made me feel so tired

© Ree Ree Franklin

It's amazing how little portions of a song can just stand out and literally just speak volumes to your soul...that line comes from "NATURAL WOMAN" and though the song itself says little to me that one 3 second segment of Aretha belting out that phrase says everything that I couldn't about today.

I ramble…I mean I ramble a lot. It is a miracle that in real life conversations that I make any sense whatsoever (It’s likely that I don’t but in fear of hurting my feelings people tolerate me and just attempt to grasp onto key points of my ramblings).

I’ve accepted that I’m a troubled soul. Unlike other troubled souls though, I havent found my gift or true talent. Hopefully though, I don’t follow the same demise as many other troubled souls (i.e., Marvin Gaye, Donny Hathaway, Phyllis Hyman, Kurt Cobain and etc.,). I sure as hell hope that I don’t follow the path of Van Gogh or Edgar Allen Poe and the world only realizes my greatness posthumously. Seemingly, with that said, I’ve got to find a way to make my mark on this vast planet soon...

Oh well...it's Sunday, I'm childless and I might as well sh*t, shower and shave and see what these A-town streets has to offer in regards to simple and amusing entertainment

*FYI, I'm still working on the title for my new blog...I'm still keeping this one though because it's the intimate window into my mind but I need something else to ramble (the word of the day) about sports, sex and music. * If you have any suggestions--HOLLA @ ME !

oh and if you're not on SKYPE (that means you too Xina), you're missin' me in all of my unadulterated and uncensored glory.

~fin

sTuMbLE iNtO HaPpInEsS…FaLl InTo JoY.

I fell down the steps…into an mist of laughter. But when I got up to stare intently at those around me, no one was there. I was laughing at the very thought that it could’ve been much, much worse. These were the same steps that caused my son to get $500 worth of stitches (that’s after his insurance paid their 80%). How I stumbled and missed the whole last 5 steps and land in a patch of leaves is totally beyond me but it must’ve been divine intervention of Mister God Johnson himself *THANK YOU LORD*.

Lesson for the day : What doesn’t kill you—is definitely worth laughing at.

Today’s theme song . O'JAYS "Stairway to Heaven"

3 DAYS….

I’m convinced that I have more than one damaging addiction. In addition to my insane addiction to Vanilla Coke ®, Grandma’s® Peanut Butter Cookies,I also have an addiction to a various amount of prescription sleeping pills (Rozerem, Lunestra and Ambien CR). The recent deaths of Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson, and Brittany Murphy have all put some rather morbid thoughts in my head as of late and now I’m trying to stop being so dependent on it all.

So far I’m about 3 days clean…which isn’t nothing in regards to beating any sort of chemical dependency but hey it’s a start. I don’t believe I had half of these issues when I was drinking. (Ha, I kicked one bad habit and picked up about 6 more…GO kcuf’ing figure.

I’m 3 days free of this mind altering substances, my mind is racing and I’m writing like crazy. Just what I need…..a reason to write as if the past months depression and drama wasn’t fuel enough!!! Well obviously it wasn’t because I’ve been scribing away the past couple of hours.

The picture below is my consumption for this evening :

~fin~

Nine.Ten.Eleven.

I forgot what I was going to tell you.

But when I rushed my thoughts and opened my mouth, the words poured out slowly.

I laid with you…and I’ve never even been by your side. Our lips have never met, yet I know exactly what it’s like to kiss you. I taste your thoughts and smile at the bitter sweet remnants in my mind.

I miss you even though you’re never gone…you’re just a mere phone call away. Every time my phone lights up, I look for your picture on the caller I.D. , your voice on the other end. But you’re just that ---on the other end. Never near. Never where I can hold you. Never where I can smell your scent on the bed from the action of the night before.

Is it just a dream. Have you stayed away too long. How can I convince you that this is your home. Last night I laid with you and I’ve never been by your side.

How can I get next to you so soon? I have so much to say and no way to tell you. I’ve longed to be with you for most of my life…and now I want you as my wife.

If only you knew that.

Nine.Ten.Eleven

turn.around.and.don’t.look.back

If I could just walk away.

I would.

If It were that easy then it would be.

Sometimes I just want it all to just up and end.

But there’s a part of me attached.

That part that doesn’t want to lose a good friend.

If I could just walk away.

I’d leave, close the door and never look back.

But when I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to---you were right there.

You had my back when I didn’t know I needed the support.

If I could just walk away.

I’d do so without a tear or a second thought.

But it’s deeper than what it appears to be on the surface.

If only I could just walk away.

I would.

I haven’t been myself lately…

I’ve been in and out of consciousness the past few weeks. My life, my thoughts and everything about and around me have been shaken up and turned into a tizzy. I wish I could explain why but there’s something seriously bothering me….well maybe it’s not one specific thing. It’s an accumulation of a lot of things. I feel like I am having an out of body experience. I can see things happening before my eyes and yet I’m slow to react and try to change the chain of unfortunate events. Maybe what they say about me is right----perhaps I promote drama. I’ve been lashing out at everyone within arms reach as of lately and it appears as though I can’t pinpoint the exact cause for my actions.

I want to be happy…yet, I can’t define the word. As strange as it may seem and appear, I am a loner that lives thru the eyes of others. I put myself in others lives yet I invite few if any into mine. I jokingly made a status update on facebook that said “ I don’t think outside the box, I bring people into mine”. While a joke at the time, my humor seems to be more truthful than I can readily admit…I just didn’t see it at the time.

I’m hurting people around me and I’m slowly killing myself in the process. When I don’t want to be bothered…I shut down and all but evaporate from all things social. What was once a great gift of humorous and thinly veiled sarcasm has abruptly turned into vengefully spewed verbal darts propelled by a slick tongue wrapped in anger. Simply put, my words have been causing much pain. The sad reality of it all is that I’m fully aware of my actions…yet, I do it anyway and try nothing to avoid it.

I need. I want. I have to get away.

*pops a sleeping pill only to remember the sudden drug fueled deaths of Heath Ledger and Brittany Murphy….spits pill on the floor*

~fin~

Fellas, I’m going to say this one time…

                                                                                                

Pussy is undefeated.

YOU.CAN'T.WIN.

Pound for pound pussy is the champ. Nothing is even close to being a contender.
Mike Tyson couldn't win. Muhphucka was heavyweight champion of da' world at 21. Y'alls a damn fool if you think Buster Douglas knocked that muhphucka out. Robin Givens gave that crazy negro the tko and mike was still wobbly @ the knees when he went in the ring with Buster.

2Pac couldn't win.

Rob Lowe couldnt win.

Mike Jordan had umpteen championship rings,the most successful shoeline in history...The pussy knocked him out. Muhphucka could dunk on anyone in the league, score sixty but he dropped the ball when he tried to charge against Juanita.

Eric Benet ain't win...I'm not saying that Halle ain't no loon but still what regular dude wouldn't do everything in his power to keep her. I mean Eric had Halle, Lost her and muhphuckas ain't paid attention to his ass since. Muhphucka can't give you a free download much less a hit record.

Kobe Couldn't win. Sure he's faired better than most but in the long run...he's a draw at best.

Shaq couldn't win...he thought he was winning. cheated wife took him back. Next thing you know he's filming a reality show and swimmin' with Mike Phelps and his wife is flying back, back to Cali, Cali leaving Shaq crying that "Damn, she trying to stick me for my paper (C) Biggie.

Hugh Grant couldn't win. Muhphucka had Liz Hurley and cheated on her with a prostitute.

Jude Law ain't win. muhphucka cheated with the nanny. (she cute though)..but now the muhphucka can't star in a movie if he produced it himself.
and lets not even talk about Steve McNair...this muhphucka cheated on his wife and the bitch he cheated with gave him a 2 pc with a biscuit.

And y'all a damn fool if y'all think that ya boy Tiger is gonna be able to come out on top after all of this. Pussy is undefeated.

Pussy almost did ya boy Jesus H.Christ in...if you think Mary Magdalene wasn't 'bout to set ya boy for the okie doke then you're mistaken.

Pussy - infinity
Men- 0

You.Cant.Win (C) Mike Jackson in "THE WIZ".

My internet friends make me laugh….

and this is no different. Thanks BuildingBlock for putting this up. I have watched this no less than 20 times in the past hour. The part where ol’ girl walks in and you say “i’m in here with my internet friends” makes me know that i’m not the only one with a screw loose.  If y’all don’t laugh at this, you’re void of all vital function, pulse and brain activity. There’s not a bunch of shit that makes me all out laugh but dammit I lost all ability to  hold back my laughter while viewing this shit.  The fact that D’Apostrophe is trying to keep his offline world and online world separate only to have one walk in on the other is hilarious in itself.

I won’t mention the parallel internet universe where he and I are both members…because as we all know that The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.

Live, Love, Laugh…wash and repeat.

~fin

Technorati Tags: D'apostrophe,internet friends,laughter

 

Depression Starts talking…..

Depression starts talkin and his voice is raspy
CAUSE HE ain't SHUT THE FUCK UP IN 3 AND A HALF WEEKS!
Look, beard is full, hair is nappy
These jeans ain't mine so they way too baggy
Priorities fucked shit startin to gas me
it's like my lil' man's life slipped right past me….© Joe Budden “Are You In the Mood, Yet?

 

The above verse from the embedded song speaks volumes and gives great insight as to how I’m feeling these days. It’s funny how songs say things that you just don’t have the power or will to say/express on your own. Sadly, I’ve felt this way for a while and this happens to be one of my favorite songs of all times. Depression is no stranger to me and because of it, I’m usually “off the scene” a lot. The past few weeks have been no different. Usually repeated listens of this song are all that is needed to snap me back to the harsh realities of every day life…but recently there’s some strange lingering feelings that I just can’t seem to shake or rid myself free from….

 

Don’t fret, I’ll be back to my normal (sarcastic self) soon. I just have to deal with a few demons and internal conflicts that are probably too intense yet seemingly superficial for me to put on the internet right now….

 

~fin.

I Spam Spammers Pt. 4

I gotta admit this Nigerian is going full steam with this sh*t. He replied to my other email with this response and word document form for me to fill out.

Here’s Mr. Ofori’s response.

SUBJECT: SEE THE ATTACHED FORM AND PROCEED

...

Sat, December 5, 2009 1:32:28 AM

From: bernard ofori bernardofori05@gmail.com

To: Kae Williams phishgreese@yahoo.com

THE APPLICATION.doc (22KB)

---

Dear Williams

See the application form attached . Kindly Re-write and fill it proper and contact my bank head office through their emails on the form as I instructed you to enable them order the transfer to your account, please we have to make sure that this transaction is completed without delay and that is why you need to do everything fast so that the fund will be transferred to your account without delay to enable me start my arrangement on how we will meet for sharing and Investment in your country.

Regards
Bernard Ofori

Here’s the form that was sent to me as a  word document.

THE APPLICATION.
Please I want you to re-write the below application letter (if possible with your business letter head paper) and send it to my head office so that they can commence with the transfer immediately.
The Bank numbers are:
Tel: 00233206948471

Email: icbforeignremittdept@officeliveusers.com

Private email to Mrs. Ofori: stellaoforimrs@yahoo.co.uk ,
the above is the direct lines for the International Remittance Department.
Attn: Mrs. Stella Ofori

The Director/Controller
International Remittance Department of the

International Commercial Bank of Ghana

Madam,
I am an escrow call account owner in your bank.
Account name (fill your name here)

Account number: 0692235688
Beneficiary: (fill your name here)
Amount: Three Eight Million, Five Hundred thousand United States dollars (USD$3, 500,000.00) International Commercial Bank of Ghana Limited. Makola Shopping Mail Accra Ghana.P.O Box 20057 Accra-Ghana

I wish to close and transfer my fund to my bank account in my country.
My Bank particulars are:
Account name ....................................................
Account number................................................
Beneficiary..........................................................
Bank name and Address...................................
Swift code............................................................
ABA No,..............................................................
I will be delighted if my request is favorably considered, it has been my pleasure doing business with your Bank.
My new contact address is (Fill in your current address here)
Telephone number ......................
Fax number...................................
Thank you for your kind co-operation.
Yours Faithfully,
(Your name and signature).

I Spam Spammers (Pt. 3.2)

Flag this message

Thanks

Friday, December 4, 2009 11:24 PM

From: "Kae Williams" <phishgreese@yahoo.com>

To: bernardofori05@gmail.com

Bernard,
Its only by fate, that I'm a church fearing man or else I'd think that you were trying to scam me. I see this stuff on the news all the time but for some reason I feel that you're truly sincere in your responses to me and for that reason alone I want to help you out. I've was scammed a few years ago when I searched online for something to help me with my low sex drive and erectile disfunction and by chance I received an email from someone overseas and they sent me some pills that promised to increase my shaft length and girth...to my chagrin the only thing i received was a lighter bank account and some pills that increased my blood pressure...but since your proposition has nothing to do with anything that could affect my health, I'm more than eager to assist you.

I withheld the truth from you earlier and my reasons for doing so was to test your sincerity in our actions with one another. I lied about not having a checking account. I do have one but the only draw back is that the mother of my 4 kids is also on that account as an authorized user. She is on the account as per the ruling of our most recent child support court case. This child support judgment is reason alone as to why I am desperate to help you. I am currently paying more than $1100 a month for the care and support of those illegitimate and unwanted children of mine even though my documented income is only $2400 a month. These U.S. courts are crazy to believe that a man with as many hoes as myself can support himself and his sexual habits on $1300 a month. But that's neither here nor there, please send me all of the proper and necessary forms so that we can get the ball rolling and in turn become the millionaires that we're destined to be.

Kae Williams

Spamming the Spammer (ptIII)

This is Mr. Ofori's latest response in the Spam the Spammer Saga. How in the hell you make a $4 million dollar mistake and act like it isn't nothing?....


-----Original Message-----
From: bernard ofori <bernardofori05@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, December 04, 2009 9:07 AM
To: Kae Williams
Subject: Re: THANKS.

You are so funny? anyway, I made a mistake at first by typing $7.5 million, it was a typographical errow, I intended to write $3.5 million, it was a mistake and no one is above mistake when it comes to writing.

Listen I am not here for joke, I really mean business, but if you are not ready to handle this with me, then you can let me know so that I can look for someone else, I am not going to send you anything money to open account because I don't have anything to send you, I have only secure this $3.5 million on escrow call account and I have no access to it as I have deposited it with no beneficiary name just for onward transfer and that is why I contacted you to stand and claim it as the beneficiary.

You can provide any bank information for a bank to bank transfer of this fund to your account, this is an international fund transfer and it requires a bank account for such transfer not a paypal account.

Right now I am not sure if you are serious, but if you are serious, kindly let me know so that I can istalled your informations into the account data of this fund so that the account will appear in your name, and I will also give you the application form immediately I haer from you which you will fill and contact my bank head office for the transfer of this fund to your account.

Let me hear from you

Bernard

I Spam Spammers (pt II)

Below is the 2nd part of the ongoing Spammer saga with Mr. Bernard Ofori. Unbeknownst to him the address and phone number that I gave him is actually for Ace Cash America…some check cashing joint down the road from my home. Happy reading!!! (remember read his email first before reading mine)

Re: THANKS.

...

Thu, December 3, 2009 8:08:24 PM

From:Kae Williams phishgreese@yahoo.com

To:bernard ofori <bernardofori05@gmail.com>

---

Dear Mr. Ofori,
Man, I'm not reading all that. Let's cut the chase and get down to business. I don't have a checking account with any bank at the current moment but I do have a check cashing card account and a paypal account. I'd prefer that you put the money in my paypal account if possible If you need to contact me or send me something please do so at this address .

Kae Williams

2858 Delk Road
MARIETTA, GA 30067

(770) 952-6535

I suddenly feel as if you're trying to scam me because the first email you sent said that you were going to deposit 7.5 million dollars into my account and now you've reduced it to 3.5 million dollars. Now I've heard of taking a little off the top but man you're trying to stick me for my paper for the sum of about 4 million dollars. What the business is? Now I've heard of shady business practices but man you could've waited till my pants were down before you tried to fuck me raw dog style.  Due to your shrewd business practices and since you're in such of a dire need of my help, I'm asking for $365.90 to be paid in exactly 73 five dollar bills and 18 unmarked nickels. The unmarked nickels are essential because I've been tracked by the government before for running a snack machine scam and this time I don't want the nickels to get back to me.
Mr. Ofori...or since we're now 3 emails deep on this exchange, I feel at liberty to be able to call you Bernard since I seem to be the one in the power position as you need my account to  launder your Weezy F. Babies...(Ha, you like that don't cha? Weezy F, Young Money? Get it?...wait maybe you don't because you're probably in some prepaid internet cafe in the better part of Ghana while I'm stuck trying to reply to you on my phone...Do you know how hard it is to type on your cell phone? I'm not talking about one of those new cell phones either . I have a bag phone with a black and white screen and a pull out antenna. Sorry to bore you with the details of my deplorable living standards but I am just trying to relay to you how desperate I am for the whole 7.5 million dollars to be put into my account.
So hit me back with the $365.90 to let me know that you're serious and we can definitely do business. Once I get the money, I'll buy you a ticket and fly you out to GA and put you in my new guest house and we'll invite some bitches over and I'll show you how us Americans have a fun time.
Sincerely, your brother in the cause.
Kae Williams

---

From: bernard ofori <bernardofori05@gmail.com>
To: Kae Williams phishgreese@yahoo.com
Sent: Thu, December 3, 2009 6:07:17 AM
Subject: Re: THANKS.

Dear Mr.williams

Thanks for your kind and prompt reply to my proposal to you, be rest assured that this transaction is legally deposited and we are going to have a smooth transfer of this fund to your account as long as you stick on my instructions and guidelines, ones again, I really appreciate your willingness to assist in this transaction.

I'm the Regional Manager of International Commercial Bank of Ghana Ltd, as the regional manager of this  bank, it is my duty to send in a financial report to my head office in the capital city Accra at the end of each bank business year.
During my 2008 financial report to my bank head office, I discovered that my branch in which I am the manager made three million five hundred thousand united state dollars($3,500,000.00) which my head office are not aware of and will never be aware of it,and I have placed this funds on escrow call account with no beneficiary name hence I decided to contact you to stand and claim the fund as the owner who made the deposit with my branch so that the bank will order the transfer to your account.
Meanwhile, the transfer of this fund will take place from my bank head office because that is where we have our international remittance department, so all you have to do is to apply for the transfer in my bank head office with the application form and the details of this fund which I will give to you immediately I hear from you to give me your assurance that you will not betray me in this transaction  because I would not want anything that will bridge this transaction on the way which might be as result of misunderstanding in this matter which I will not like and that is why I need your full assurance to proceed this transaction with you because I will not want anything that will stop this matter on the way because I can not afford to loose this fund, kindly ask any question which you might need clearification so that you can understand everything for us to proceed with one mind and full understanding to avoid any future arguement or mistake in this matter.
Like I told you, I contacted you because I can not be directly connected to this fund since I am still in service with this bank and we are not allowed to own such amount as civil servants or to operate a foreign account, so you can understand my position in this matter which is my main reason of contacting you to assist me to acheive this goal, your assistance is all I need to acheive this fund by standing as the real depositor and claim the fund from my bank since I will also guide you accordingly and provide to you all the necessary back up information of this fund which will authomatically empower you as the beneficiary of this fund.
I will also advise you to keep this transaction secret and confidential and that is all I need from you because I will not want any thing that will expose this transaction and you should not mention my name in my head office while dealing with them to avoid any question in my bank head office during the transfer, kindly get back to me so that I can explain this clear to you and to enable me give all information you will need after your proper understanding in this matter for me to give you all information you need to contact my bank head office for the transfer of this fund to your account, I will also install and configure your full name and address into the account data base of this fund  immediately I hear from you to make sure that everything to appeard in your name as the beneficiary and the depositor of this fund who made the deposite with my branch.

You should also send me your full details such as your full name and address including your direct phone number so that I can install them into the account data of this fund so that everything will appear in your name as the beneficiary.
Note that we have no much time to spend in this transaction because the transfer supposed to be completed within 4 banking days immediately you apply to my head office for transfer.
I am waiting to hear from you so that we can go over the details and proceed.

Mr.Bernard Ofori

I Spam Spammers in My Spare Time

 

This is what happens when you give a muhphucka like me an internet connection and an e-mail address. I do this sh*t all of the time when I have nothing better to do.  Read it from the bottom up.

 

 

Re: THANKS....

From:

Kae Williams <phishgreese@ymail.com

To:bernard.ofori05@gmail.com

---

Dear Bernard,

I would love to help you...do you think you could send me a $25 in U.S. currency so that I could open up a checking account. I currently only have a savings account and I'd need you to help me so that I can in turn help you? Let me know it this works out for you and I'll be glad to send you my address.
Sincerely,
your brother in the cause.

Kae Williams
phishgreese@ymail.com

"I've learned that it takes years to build up trust...and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it"

---

From: Mr Bernard Ofori <bernard@yahoo.com>
Sent: Tue, December 1, 2009 1:18:15 PM
Subject: THANKS.
Hello,i need your co-operation,
My name is Mr Bernard Ofori,
I wish to make a transfer involve $7.5m into your account. For subsequent investment of it in lucrative ventures in your country.
Please, if you are willing to assist kindly reply by stating your assurance and total commitment to handle this transaction,
Then I shall furnish you with the procedure to follow-up the transaction. As soon as you read, I will be expecting your timely response.
While replying please kindly include your telephone and Fax number for easy communication.
Please observe the utmost confidentiality, and be rest assured that this,
Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. asap,
Regards,
Mr. Bernard Ofori

Conflicted…

 

*cues Musiq’s HALFCRAZY*

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you just wanted to give up everything that you have just to chase what you’ve always wanted/desired/dreamed about? I swear if it wasn’t for my world (aka my son) that I'd just up and leave this very state that I’ve convinced myself for the past 25 years I love.

My life, for lack of a better word, is mediocre. I have days of highs and lows and those that aren’t of either tend to be just that—an existence of mediocrity. Ironically, I have everything going for me. Granted things aren’t great but they aren’t totally bad either. I know things could be worse…but that’s just it, i know that they could be worse and I also know that they could be whole hell of a lot better. I’m existing for the purpose of making it to the very next day but with each approaching day I find myself further and further from the ultimate goal which is supposed to be HAPPINESS. What to do? …Do you just cast down your buckets and run away from it all and start anew? Or do you stand, fight and try to make the best of a seemingly mediocre situation?

I’m conflicted. My life as I know it has been turned upside down as of lately. Outside of my son, there’s really no reason for me to be in Georgia anymore. I’m beginning to have a love / hate relationship with all things Atlanta as of recently. I love it for the fact that I grew up here and I know the city like the back of my hand. Don’t move and get emotional all too quick… I hate Atlanta for that very same reason. I know too much about this great city.  There’s nothing new under the sun and there’s nothing of  new interest for me here either. 

What to do?

That seems to be the question at hand…2010 will definitely serve purpose and reveal answers.

This Makes Me Laugh....

I love this lil dude and all of his shenanigans. Apparently this is his first (AND ONLY) forray into thug culture and it's hilarious nonetheless.

Oh yeah, Happy Thanksgiving.

Scooby Doo, Where are you? © Shaggy

I'm not sure where I've been….or where I am going. Life has been full of ups and downs as of recently. Maybe it's the approaching holidays. If you know me…then you know of my dislike for the impending holiday season. Friends and family get together to enjoy what should be a joyous occasion but by the time it is all said and done-the joys and smiles turn into drunken shouting matches of "you ain't shit" coupled with "you ain't never have my back when I was younger". Perhaps I'm jumping the gun. Surely this doesn't happen with every family, right? Maybe it's just mine. Needless to say that I'm not looking forward to it, to be honest I never have. This year is bound to be different in the aspect that instead of being around my dysfunctional miscreants of shared blood, I'll be in the presence of my girlfriends relatives. (Yes, you read that right; G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D !, that's a whole 'nother post in itself). So possibly this newness will finally allow me to enjoy some semblance of a holiday.

My dislike for Thanksgiving is only outweighed and overshadowed by my true abhorrence for Christmas. This is not to say that I don't like giving thanks to Jesus and all of that. I know the reason for the season. It's just over the years Christmas doesn't bring the same warm energy to my soul that it once did. Partial blame for this would be the fact that my grandmother died a few years ago on Christmas day (2002 to be exact). Time has enabled me to put a great deal of that pain aside and (I) try to enjoy Christmas for the sake of my 3 yr old son but there's some occult negativity that still lingers over and within me about that particular holiday. Some things are best left to their own understanding…and sadly, I don't understand why I can't get past it all.

The only thing that brings me some sort of short lived joy would be the fact that I usually accumulate enough vacation days by this time of year to really enjoy some time off. As tradition would have it, I'm taking off every Friday off from Black Friday until the end of the year. In addition, I'm also off the last two weeks of the year and the first 3 business days of 2010.

The greatest thing about the holiday season is the knowledge that 2009 is almost coming to a close. For that reason alone, I'm happy. Overall 2009 hasn't been the greatest year of my life. I will say that during all of the trials and tribulations of the past 12 months, I was able to discover some very unique qualities and traits about my character. Some of these traits were good, others?...well, not so much. Patience and tolerance have been my biggest learned attributes of the almost 365 days of 2009. I did learn how to do a lot (of sh*t) with a little bit (of money). This was a yr of no bonuses and no side hustles…If I've learned anything it's that I have to get on my grind in the upcoming year. I can't go living paycheck to paycheck and dwindling my once impressive savings account just to survive.

Oh well…..this is it for now. (Hell it's not like anyone is out there reading this….I'm to the point where I'm blogging for my own amusement and entertainment).

~fin

Much Adu About Nothing !!!!.....

Dear people of the blogosphere,

I haven't deserted you quite yet...I just haven't had a whole lot to post in terms of interesting subject matter. (I'll admit that zero drama results in boring reads) I could tell you about the ins and outs of love and life--but I have none. Life is great. Love is promising. Loving Life seems to be the grand scheme of things for the moment. My only complaint is money but what's the point of complaining about that if you haven't any. I'm actively working on that as well and with Mr. Johnson's grace (that's God to you commoners), my son's smile and good fortune things will soon be on the up and up. I'm in a self made rut and only now am I realizing that it's pretty much of my own plan, design and previous lack of desire to change that's caused me much of my past aggressions and grief. So I'll wallow in my prison of pity no longer.


As they say, I'm too blessed to be stressed. It's too divine for me to mind...

feel free to watch one of my personal cult favorites of the 90's. Many people shitted and hated on this flick but never enough for me to dislike it in anyway.

The Inkwell...(Jada Smith, Larenz Tate, Morris Chestnutt and who never ever was semi-famous and black in my high school graduation year of 1994)

If you aint up on Skype...

You're missing out on a lot...mainly me. Download it, sign up, and then get at me.

http://www.skype.com/

Slavery in 2009?

This muhphuckan Rush Limbaugh is trying to become a slave master in 2009. Say it ain't so?

http://www.kolotv.com/sports/headlines/63633867.html EVERYTHING IN RED IS WHAT I THINK SHOULD"VE BEEN INCLUDED IN THE ARTICLE BUT FOR OBVIOUS REASONS THE AUTHOR DECIDED AGAINST MY EDITS...LOL

ST. LOUIS (AP) - Conservative *CONSERVATIVE BY WHO'S STANDARDS?* radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh says he is teaming up *FORMING A LYNCH MOB* with St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts in a bid to buy the St. Louis Rams.

Limbaugh declined to discuss details Tuesday. He cited a confidentiality agreement with Goldman Sachs, the investment firm hired by the family of former Rams owner Georgia Frontiere to review assets of her estate.

Limbaugh also declined to discuss other partners *POTENTIAL SLAVE OWNERS* that might be involved in the bid *SLAVE TRADE*, but said he and Checketts would operate the team *OVERSEE THE NEGROES IN THE HOUSE AND ON THE FIELD.

Forbes magazine has estimated the Rams franchise has a value of $929 million. *GOTDAYUM...THATS A LOT OF 40 ACRE PLOTS AND A GAZILLION MULES*

Just when you thought it was safe for y'all Negroes to walk freely about your neighborhoods, this muhphucka decides that he wants to invest in a whole team of y'all.

Get me free (C) Amistad.

Say what'cha wanna say and draw your own conclusions but this is the same muhphucka that called Barry Obama a "monkey" and most of the underlying media swept it under the rug. If he buys this team, it's a great injustice to the NFL. I will likely no longer support watching football games outside of lil' league and college.

*runs before Massah realizes that I can read and write*

The KANG (yes, Kang) of Comedy...

This man single handedly had the biggest influence of any celebrity in my life. His death affected me like Michael Jackson affected many of yours. I remember sneaking and listening to all of his albums at my grandmother's house when no one was around and sampling bits and pieces of his material for school the next day. Sure I wasn't as effective with the voices and punchlines but dammit, I was funny.

I present to you, the KING OF COMEDY, Richard Pryor..Here and Now

Game Over : The Real Story Behind Paid In Full

This is the true story of three Harlem drug kingpins (AZ,Alpo & Rich Porter) in the 80's and documents their rise and fall in the drug game.

I'm feeling real GAYE today....

Here's something for you to enjoy.

Don't say Uncle Fishgrease ain't never give my family a jewel.

take it now and thank me later.

Marvin Gaye : The Sexual Healing Sessions

1. Clique Games/Rick James - (previously unreleased, Original Version Of 'Midnight Lady')
2. Sexual Healing - (previously unreleased, Alternate 12-inch instrumental)
3. Sexual Healing - (previously unreleased, Original Vocal Version)
4. Sexual Healing - (previously unreleased, alternate take, Alternate Vocal/Mix)
5. I Bet You Wonder - (previously unreleased, Original Version Of 'Rockin' After Midnight')
6. Rockin' After Midnight - (previously unreleased, instrumental)
7. Baby, Baby, Baby - (previously unreleased, Original Vocal Version Of ''Til Tomorrow')
8. I've Got My Music - (previously unreleased, Original Vocal Version Of 'Turn On Some Music') 9. Turn on Some Music - (previously unreleased, alternate take, Alternate Vocal/Mix)
10. Third World Girl - (previously unreleased, Original Reggae Version)
11. Third World Girl - (previously unreleased, alternate take, Alternate Vocal/Mix)
12. My Love Is Waiting - (previously unreleased, alternate take, Alternate Vocal/Mix)
13. Marvin's Message to the CBS Records Staff - (previously unreleased)
14. Sexual Healing - (previously unreleased, Rehearsal Tape Courtesy Of David Ritz)

Marvin Gaye: Live at the London Palladium

1. Intro Theme
2. All the Way 'Round
3. Since I Had You
4. Come Get to This
5. Let's Get It On
6. Trouble Man
7. Ain't That Peculiar / You're A Wonderful One / Stubborn Kind Of Fellow / Pride And Joy
8. Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler) / God Is Love / What's Going On / Save The Children
9. You're All I Need To Get By / Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing / Your Precious Love
10. Thanks
11. Distant Lover
12. Closing Theme / I Want You
13. Got to Give It Up

All Good Things Must Come To An End....

I should have known that it would only be a matter of time before you decided to spread your wings and fly the coup...leaving me to fend for myself in this cruel world of manic depression and bipolar episodes.

I wish it were 1996 all over again and we were squandering inside of our infamous 2 bedroom 1.5 bath party spot of an apartment. Gone are the days where we'd sit on the floor of our barren abode talkin' about every Tom, Dick and Sarah that we were fuckin' and laughing about how we tricked this ,that and the other muhphucka into buying us shit or performing some laughable yet lewd sex act.

Gone are the days where we screamed out fuck the world while watching FALLING DOWN and wishing that we were in the role of Michael Douglas. Gone are the days where I'd run into the kitchen after watchin' Michael Jackson's "DONT STOP'TIL YOU GET ENOUGH" and emulating his every move, step for step.

Gone are the days where I told you about every heart break only to have you remind me or my unrequited love and affection for Carla. Gone are the days where we'd talk about those DAMN cousins of ours and how they get on every fiber of our last nerve yet we felt compelled to entertain them if only to make our lives appear that much better in comparison.

Gone are the days where we have to actually complain about out respective baby parents. No more complaining about those khaki, baby shit colored muhphuckas any more.

Gone is the one person who put my world on her shoulders and used her Bank Of America bonus money to put a roof over my head when I had no where else to go. Gone are the days where you, Tawana and I would hop in Bertha (Buick) on what seemed like long days trip to North Georgia Malls. Gone are they days where we'd ride down Camp Creek in that same run down Buick and laugh about the time, my dad put that mustang hubcap on it and we stopped at the red light on Herschel Road, only to see said hubcap roll down the street past us.

Gone are the days before I had throat surgery and you were the only one who never said anything negative about my voice. Gone are the days when I was living with a girl and you took off work from the "shop" to take me to the dentist and then drove me to another specialist because the first one couldn't get the whole tooth out.

Gone are the days when I was a mere freshman in college and your were gonna choke that broad out that I had got prego, because she was playing with my heart. Remember when she tried to stab me with that broken plate and I ended up having to choke her out in self defense?

Gone are the days when I was broke and had to drive up to Diva Styles and borrow $3 from you so i could put gas in the car to get myself to work and school and get you home from work.

Gone are the days where we would sit around smokin' cigarillos even though neither one of us even smoked. (how silly was that?) I think that box of cigs lasted us two months. LOL

Gone are the days where we'd have $15 dollars between us and just ball the fuck out (I wish i was able to do that now). Remember when I had the Acura, Jimmy had the Benz, and Tawana had the BMW and all of our neighbors thought we were either in the music business or low end drug dealers? Ironic how we're now broke and you're in the music business.
Gone is out past.

Xina,

We had a great ride...This isn't the end but rather just a new beginning. Hopefully things will happen to turn both of our lives around for the better. Be safe in all your travels and as usual I have your back.

Love always,

your brother,

Rob'ert A. Williams (known to the rest of the world as kae)


P.S. Here's a gift for you

Mike Jack Unmasked

Don't say that I've never shared anything w/y'all..Enjoy this for the next 45 mins or so.

I'm not here right now...I've gone crazy. Be back in a few...

There soon comes a time in your life where you just don’t want anything to do with your past or your current way of life and you’re simply living for an uncertain future. Often times you're plauged by the vision in your head of how things are supposed to be, how they are supposed to appear but the truth of the matter is you never know how it’s going to end until well…the end.

I’ve spent the last few days locked away in my humble abode analyzing just about every aspect of my life…I’ve come up with zany and almost unbelievable answers to the question “HOW DID I GET HERE (OR TO THIS POINT IN MY LIFE). The only reason that these answers aren’t so unbelievable is because I have had the (dis)pleasure of living out this sitcom (that we call life) to each and every commercial break.

Love..or rather the possibility of being in love suddenly doesn’t seem so possible. The whole idea of being in a monogamous and meaningful relationship doesn’t seem promising nor does it appear inviting. I want love and I want to be in love but recent events have all but turned me against the notion. In the past year, I’ve dated every type of woman imaginable. Don’t believe me? I’ve dated the clingy, I- need- a- husband- now- type, I’ve dated the Destiny- Child- Independent –but- can- you- pay- My- Bills- Woman, The I’m-drop-dead-gorgeous-but –I –have-let-others-tear –down-my-self-esteem-with-their-hatred. Oh, and I forgot about the “I’m-broke-but-you’d-never-know-it-until-you-see-all-of-the-late-notices-sittin-on-the-counter-while-im-in-the-bathroom-type woman. Needless to say, I can’t take the dating scene anymore. I’m tired of it. Due to the constant ins and outs of the women that I’ve encountered I am casting my buckets where I stand and I’m walking away from it all with what remains of my dignity and pride. I’m just going to do some freelance dating so to speak. Nothing serious.

My job is just that-- a job. Not a career. Not even a means to an end. Hell I am barely making ends meet. Matter of fact my ends don’t even need to meet…I’d be happy if they were close enough to wave at one another.

I have my son 80% of the time and I’ve come to realize that society champions behind a struggling single mother but put a father in just a semblance of such a situation and that same society turns a blind eye. Women treat me as if I’m some sort of text book experiment. I’m suddenly Big Foot, the Loch Ness Monster or a a mythical Unicorn. An involved single father just doesn’t exist. I’ve become a piece of folklore. I’m spoken about in circles as the perfect catch but once I’m caught they suddenly realize just how little free time I have and the idea of a dedicated father quickly becomes a turn off. Picture that?...the one thing that attracted them to me, runs them off. It’s not even as if my son drives them away. Hell few even get a chance to see/meet my son. It’s a problem that’s not so much of a problem. My son is a constant…these women aren’t.

I miss my best friend....parenthood has unfortunately put an understandable wedge in our friendship. We talk everyday (via phone/email) but it still seems like we're at a distance...

I have no drama from my baby momma...simply because i don't allow her to bring her drama into my life. I don't talk to her at all. We only communicate via text msg. (Gotta keep that paper trail). If she calls me, i reject it and send her a text. It sounds harsh but it's rather stress free and easy going... I don't have to hear her lies, cries or alibi's.

Well I’m just venting…my whole mind frame might change tomorrow (that’s unlikely) but I can say for certain that I’m no longer the person I was months or days ago…I don’t know if it’s all for the best…but it is best that I do what I have to do to keep my sanity.

Life ain't always easy

With this new age of technological and Internet break-thru's one would be inclined to believe that applying for jobs online was s'pose to be simple!!! All i wanna do is send my resume with a cover letter...I don't wanna rewrite the constitution, draft a new Obama Health plan..I just wanna attach my resume and hit send.but naw..., I gotta give up my first (& only) born, get a notary to swear that Mike Jackson really died,then give'em 10 email addresses, 3 phone numbers and partridge in a bluntbush....WTH?

*the above was adapted/swiped/stolen from my status on Facebook*

Sometimes.....

Sometimes there are aspects of life that calls and beckons and leaves you no choice but to answer (or suffer). Simply put, My sanity and faith in the higher powers have been tested over the past few weeks. My only outlet (i.e, my writing) has been neglected. My finances have become a total abomination and my love life (or lack thereof) has remained the confusing and strange state of emotions that it always has (been). *sigh*

The moment you believe that you've made it over one hurdle...life throws the proverbial wrench in your plans and other obstacles in your path.

I'd complain in further detail but I realized that I'm blessed just having the breath to complain.

Such is life....and such is the life that I live.

Charlaboo & I planin' a furniture heist...

well okay..i'm planning a heist, she just so happened to be there (GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION).


*listen closely and you can hear me say that she has to stay out of the shot because I don't want to implicate her*
I really want the metal planters next to the fireplace....like really want them.

My life is a sitcom....unscripted. Today just happens to include my adventures with a co-worker.

Holy Grail #2 has been found

Playa : "Never Too Late"

Nothing more needs to be said...Now I'm looking for Mocha (from Missy's Goldmine label) or Sugah's ( the group that had Tweet in it, from Devante's "SwingMob/Bassment Crew) albums.

enjoy that playa though...it bumps (C) Static Major

Words of wisdom (the dry erase board)

(You) Cant understand a win...until you've dealt w/a loss. (c) Stat Quo

I'd give anything to be doing this right now.

Feet up.remote in hand....but alas, i'm a slave to this institution commonly referred to as "work".

Things.must.get.better....dont get it twisted, i'm greatful for the fact that I am employed but I cant wait to discover my true calling....because I am sure that this AIN'T it.

~fin

The only thing that makes me smile

Retire From Sports...get murdered by ya PYT (C) MJackson

Read this sh*t first. Ain't this a terrible muhphuckan way to die? CLICK HERE

Man, these past few weeks have made me kinda happy that my athletic prowess or rather lack thereof never prospered into anything promising 'cause the Lord only knows that I'd eventually end up in my mid 30's retired, financially sound while sittin' on the top of the world with a gang of young women at my disposal. {As if I don't currently live the life that the average muhphucka would envy...LOL } Seriously though what's going on with all these athletes gettin' up with these young tenders and ending up dying violent deaths?

This Gatti dude, who by the way was a great boxer ended up gettin' choked to death by his wife and her purse (strap) being used as the murder weapon . *looks into the camera* I don't think y'all heard me, this dude boxed his way to financial success with a 40-9 record and he gets snuffed by his wife and then choked out? I ain't trying to make a mockery of all of this but got'dammit this is an awfully ironic and sad way to have your life ended.

Damn, I hope I die in a car accident or in my sleep. I can tell you this much, I won't be getting shot while laying on the sofa in my sleep (McNair) nor will i be gettin' the life sucked outta me by a Prada purse strap either....How do i know this? Well simply put I ain't datin' no young chicks. Apparently these Pretty Young Things have been studying and emulating Snoop from acclaimed TV show THE WIRE. Either that or they're on that Cleo (what up Latifah?) from Set It Off.

Bottom line if you don't remember when Thriller was released, I'm not gonna be able to f*ck w/you.

*Moonwalks outta this entry*

~fin

Fellas, Dont ever simp this HARD

Friends, Romans, fellow brethren lend me yo ear..

First and foremost allow me to say that there's nothing wrong with being young and in love. Matter of fact, being in love is a good thang.

but being young and dumb is another.

Ain't nothing wrong with being pussy-whipped, love-struck, googoo-gah-gah over the pusspillow in private or intimate settings. but when you start doing shit like this http://jadoremag.com/mag/2009/07/que-breaks-down-his-various-tattoos-dedicated-to-dawn/ then it allows me to have total grounds for laughin' at'chu in and out of public.

Muhphucka, is you walkin' around lookin' like you just got slobbed down by some broad on yo way to a job interview? Cuz you know this Day26 group shit ain't gonna never last. This muhphucka will be at UPS/Kinkos fillin' out applications in 2010.

I knew from watchin' the show that the lil' phucka was bat.shit.crazy but i ain't know he was dumbASfuck as well.

My fellow nephews, i'm not saying don't show yo affection for your women in kind and sweet ways, what i am saying is don't be desecrating the shrine that is yo body with senseless graffiti of lip prints and what not.

I'd have rather seen the lil' muhphucka with some of them Eve paw prints on his chest or some shit. Lips on yo neck? You shittin' me right?

i'm hopin' this shit is a henna tattoo.

Love Always,

the notorious k.a.e

Dont take me up to the sky /
(then) break me wings
And expect me to fly
(c) Gloria Scott " I just couldnt take a goodbye"

My dry erase board @ work.

Food for thought; You do the dishes (c) JayZ

SOMETIMES YOU DONT UNDERSTAND A WIN....UNTIL YOU'VE DEALT WITH A LOSS (c) Atl's own Stat Quo

*FADES TO BLACK*

For 20 years this song has played in my head...

In my mind, this is the saddest yet most beautiful song ever created.
http://www.mediafire.com/?345tyngtyqk

Slow Burn

This is likely going to be a post filled with an unambitious amount of ran.dumb.ness. I guess I'll number it so that it'll be easier for the masses to keep up with the numerous changes in topics.
My mind is racing....blame it on the prescription drugs, the alcoholic beverages and the serene sounds that are permeating through my head. To counteract the confusion, i've decided to number my thoughts so that you can keep up with each change in topic. Hold on and brace yourself for the ride.

1. It's 10:55 am on July 5th, 2009 and I'm on my 2nd beer. This is a clear indicator of the downward spiral that the last few hours (scratch that, the last few days) have presented to me.
   
2. I unknowingly kicked her to the curb...for a few days of personal solace and me time. We've tried talkin' on the phone since the "break-up" emails that we both sent to one another's place of employment but the convo's seemed forced and contrived in nature. It's a tad short of a month since we even crossed paths and from the looks of it all it doesn't seem probable that we ever will again. *Sidenote* (how sad is it to send such correspondence to your work addy? Now our inner-most thoughts and feelings about one another are available for the nosy eyes and general scrutiny of our respective I.T. Depts) *end of side note*
3. I feel like I'm trapped in a horrible yet entertaining spinoff of Tyler Perry's "Diary of a Mad Black Woman". My son's mom is playing the role of the dude, and I'm playing the role of the bad black Woman" (in reverse roles of course). She's recently suffered some medical mishaps and as fate would have it, I'm the only one she feels she can depend on. Each moment that I'm around her, i realize just how wrong she and I were for each other. Karma is indeed a b*tch...and sadly i have no room for either in my life.
   
4. I've been occupying my time in the company of random people...only to discover what I already know. I enjoy my own company.
5. My new saying for 2009 is that " if you're not complimenting me, you're hating"....I'm ballin' on a budget and from a distance it might just appear that i'm stuntin. Hate me now (C) Nas and Diddy.
   
6. My son is in love with one of my friends....how funny is that? At least I know he likes women. *whew
7. Only 6 people know where I live....none of them being my son's mom or my sisters.
   
8. I've been in my apartment a tad bit shy of two months and still have yet to change my address with the post office.
   
9. Beer #3. (Tip, I'm now officially drinkin' your half of the case now...you leave me near and you'll grieve for your beer)
10. I'm either havin' the worse migraine ever imaginable or I have some sudden brain tumor that only subsides once I've hit my daily threshold of 6 beers.....phuck, I only need 3 more to reach that plateau.
11. I am serious about enjoying 21 day relationships for the remainder of the summer...who knows maybe one of those 3 week flings will prosper into something meaningful.
    
12. My little sister lost her job and swore me to secrecy to not tell her dad....(BTW, he's also my dad).
    
13. I stopped takin' the steriods for my polyps....not on doctor's orders either. It's likely not going to be a good outcome but i'm tired of poppin' pills.
    
14. I am very much a loner...my only constant interaction with family happens to be with the very one i assisted in creating (aka my son aka Wooly Bully aka THE GOOCH)
15. I miss my best friend....she has not gone anywhere, we just had kids and those responsibilities supersede our friendship duties.
16. I like this new Maxwell album. Either my music choices have changed or I'm just in a totally different mode/mood these days altogether.
    
17. I keep dealing with someone who's detrimental to my health. They won't cause me physical harm but the mental ramifications will likely be horrible. Must.cut.them.out.of.my.life.immediately. The constant push and pull, shove and tug of our interactions is what makes it all so alluring.
18. I'm still scribing away at the book that I set the unattainable goal of finishing this past April 15...I could have completed it then but i wasn't happy with the direction, nor with my writing style or tone...so I scrapped the initial draft and started over from square one.
    
19. www.apartmenttherapy.com takes a great portion of my free time.
    
20. Toaster Strudels and Beer aren't a very probable combination but they go surprising well together. Who'd have ever thunk it?
    

~fin