About to catch the red eye flight.

She said she wanted to see me and I said I might/

Be there in the morning on the red eye flight/ © kae-z

Okay so I'm not really catching a red eye flight to anywhere on this green earth...I'm sitting here at the doctor's office awaiting my diagnosis of what I already know I have *cue theme music*…………………PINK EYE.

Yes, for the second time in a year, yours truly has become the proud recipient of conjunctivitis aka the inflamed cornea, aka greenish gook and optic toxins aka "oh sh*t muhphucka why's yo eye lid all droopy and your eyes bloodshot-stay-away-from-me". It seems that I only get sick and what not when I'm off of work. How in the livingphuck am I s'pose to enjoy my days off from work when I'm blessed with some unfortunate ailment that always seems to correct itself on the very day that I have to go back to work? (how's that for fate?, I get sick on the weekends and holidays and by some twist of the gravitational pull of the universe I am 100% functional by the next business day.

*Mr. Johnson, I know you're punishing me for something that I've done in my childhood or possibly young adult stage in life. I accept it but do you think we can work on another form of punishment in the future? This is beginning to grow a lil' old and being that you're God and all, I'm sure you have many more creative means of punishing a fine
young specimen of human DNA such as myself...so for the remainder of 2009 lets make that your New Years Resolution towards the way you treat me this year. You God Johnson being of sound body and mind hereby honor the pledge to punish me kae Williams in a more fitting way from here on out*

TWO HOURS LATER FROM THE INITIAL START OF THIS ENTRY (gotta love this EEE PC netbook laptop for its portability if nothing else)

I am now sitting at Jiffy Lube (in all of my pink eye gory and glory).It's obvious that my eyes are the color of Satan's sweat pants because the lil' Indian dude behind the counter is giving me the "side eye" and lookin' at me like I have the plague or the very least like im about to rob the joint of all of it's old magazines, car brake brochures and oil filters. Yeah, muhphucka get a grip… all I want is an oil change……Speaking of which---When did the $19.99 oil change become $40 phuckin' dollars. Gas is down and apparently so should the oil prices be as well. I understand a little inflation due to the economy. I'll pay $26.99 or whatever never but to go from $20 to double that is what I call financial rape. WHAT.KINDA.FUCKERY.IS.THIS? © Amy Winehouse. I should spread my very attractive pink eye to every muhphucka in this place that OKAY'D such a monetary travesty to transpire. Now they saying I need my transmission flushed and filled……sounds like y'all trying to say that you wanna flush out my pockets and fill me with even more costly dick… So this is how it feels to get phucked and not bust a nut. I almost feel bad for all of the times I was with ladies and I rushed to get mine off and didn't worry about them. ( Then again no I don't. I gave y'all the best 4 minutes and 34.5 seconds of my sexual life…I don't know what kinda marathon phuckin' you're used to but that should be well enough time for y'all to cum to a shivering orgasm... and if it isn't then you need to practice on working to completion quicker. HA!)

So here i am out in public with pinkeye, wearing my prescription skrenf Jay-Z psuedo-nerd/Woody Allen type Ray-Bans looking nothing less than someone fit to be quarantined and holed up in some far off island for lepers and legionnaires disease victims. There's a cute girl sitting dead across from me but I dare not say anything to her in my awful state of visual disarray. While it's apparent that I have the potential to be cute, I wouldn't dare mush up on anyone lookin' like I've smoked left over remnants of the crack pipe. This is life and this is the life that my dear savior God Johnson has puppeteered for me to live.

Until next time kids..best wishes and happy phuckin travels. *wipes infected eyes and rubs hands along the inside of your computer screen*

~fin